Don’t Read This


Sadly I’m vegetarian

To challenge my capacity for love, and to develop a mind of equanimity, I like to read accounts of the worst torture I can find. Years ago i’d feel so angry and hateful towards the abusers, but now my mind stays still, and that’s really useful. I know some people would support and advocate hatred and anger at such actions, but it’s not useful, and if at some point this planet is going to find peace, then forgiveness is going to be number one on the agenda. I know that, so I need to be able to be something of an example.

Anyway, I read this account in the former Yugoslavia, about how men were forced to eat into the living, attached testicle of another man, tearing them from their body and then being forced to eat them. There’s even photos of these mens with the veins and whatever sticking out of their mouths. Really, really sick stuff, and I know you don’t want to read this, but you know what, this is our world, and if you are in it, then you allow it to be this way. Ignoring it won’t change.

So, unlucky.

Don’t like it?


So reading something like that, at the time, made me glad for karma. I was, like, ‘well, it’s right that the abuser should have to experience what he has made the abused experience… karma is a good thing, it will serve him right’.

But then I thought about how existence is supposed to be a perpetual now moment, no linear time, no past, no future, just a big long now (track 13). Which made me think then that the abuser wasn’t doing something to then experience karma later, but the abused in this situation was experiencing this because he had been the abuser – not previously – but right now, in the big long now. So, it wasn’t karma how we know it, it was more an exchange of experiences, a kind of ‘let’s both experience forcing the other to eat another man’s living, attached testicles’ because God is love and everything else is an illusion.