OMG OMG!! Black starving children are SOOOO cute!


You’ll do!

I could do without the flies (nothing that a strong disinfectant and a tennis racket zapper won’t solve), but – OMG – I want one!

Unfortunately, whilst adoption is a viable and very on-trend option, it’s against UK law to starve a child (or even merely to maintain the state of starvation upon adoption… which seems a tad unfair given the likelihood of a previously starving child to end up fat), and, so, whilst a properly nourished black child can, in theory, be ‘cute’, it’s really not the same, and so my preferred choice is…

Give a token amount to charity each month!

This has a few notable benefits:

  1. The token amount is unlikely to fully nourish the child, and so we can always rest easy in the knowledge that cute black starving children will be around to coo over forever.
  2. If you’re on a budget then £5 a month is both cost saving and pretty on the soul. I tell you, nothing feels so spiritual as being a shining light in the world.

I just think it is so great that we can live in a world where we allow children to starve so we can make a monthly donation and feel good about ourselves.

Imagine a world with no starving children? How would we ease our consciences then? How could we go shoe shopping and truly immerse ourselves in the experience without the benefit of dropping our loose change in the Oxfam tin? What would goodness mean without suffering in the world?

We live in blessed times. A time when we can at once enjoy being consumers without having to feel bad about our fellow human beings dying without food.

(Btw, the incoherence of certain pieces here is a deliberate artistic choice, and meant to reflect the inconsistencies, confusion and contradictions of the human condition. There are many layers to my writings, which rewards the reader with multiple repeated readings).