If you are a nice guy concerned with what position you finish, then you are not a nice guy. If you are a nice guy who is worried about whether they will get the girl, then you are not a nice guy. If you are a nice guy who is fretting over who will get the promotion at work, then you are not a nice guy.
Nice guys who are concerned with how they will benefit are not nice guys, they are using an appearance of niceness so as to benefit themselves. It’s just another form of selfish manipulation. Some people want to get to the top and get the girl and finish first by being aggressive and bullish, whereas others are more cool and calculating, and others still want to have it all by seeming to be very nice, hoping that everyone will like them, and, in turn, give them what they want. This is not nice.
A truly nice guy is characterised by selfless traits. They are kind, generous, concerned, thoughtful, and they want others to be happy… sincerely. A truly nice guy wants the girl to be happy, so if she chooses the guy who rides a motorbike without a helmet, then so be it, the nice guy is happy for her. It doesn’t mean he won’t hurt, but he is happy for her.
A truly nice guy can still have ambition, he can still want to achieve, but he won’t do it at the expense of others, he won’t manipulate others in any form to achieve, he will simply do his best whilst supporting and encouraging those around him so they too can do their best. Conversely, this truly nice guy is likely to succeed because he will have desirable qualities for many situations.
The problem with fake nice guys is that the facade is too slippy… too transparent. If you are only nice whilst things are going your way or whilst you are trying to get what you want, only to become a dick once you don’t get what you want or people don’t do as you wish, then your niceness very quickly becomes hollow. At this point you will find yourself coming last.
I don’t know if nice guys have fooled themselves into believing they are nice. I think for most it is a subconscious drive motivating them. I don’t think these are conscious wolves dressed up as lambs. I’m sure most honestly regard themselves as nice. But if you hold the idea that you being nice is leading to you coming last then you are probably not as nice as you believe.
True niceness in itself is more than enough reward. There is no girl beautiful enough to substitute the wonders of a kind heart, there is no job or social position high enough that is so precious to hold as heartfelt generosity.
So, if your niceness is leading you to misery, then you’re not a nice person, you’re a selfish person using niceness as a tool to get what you want. You are a vulture, just like all the bullies and aggressors who are stomping on throats to reach the throne. So there.