Why I had to reject your offer of friendship, Russell Brand



I appreciate your kind words… I certainly don’t feel that ‘the future of humanity rests upon my words of wit, verve, brilliance and heart’, but it’s nice to hear such kind sentiments. It also means a lot to hear that my blog here has inspired you so much – even reducing you to tears (of joy, I hope!) at certain times. It’s nice to be a bearer of great hope, and I can understand why you’d like for us to be friends. I don’t think it was strictly necessary to turn up at my parents house, but I recognise determination and persistence, and, not withstanding legal restraints, I think these traits are admirable. But, when push comes to shove, and when all is said and done, and when badgers fight owls, and when chocolate turns to arrows from a bow… you are the one who likes all my pretty songs, and you like to sing along, and you like to shoot your gun – I get that, I really do – but you know not what this means… you know not what this means… and, so, all I can I say is ‘yeahhhh’.