The War On Terror HAS Been Good For Us

The sight of the army on Britain’s streets after the Manchester suicide bomb attack is a clear sign that the UK’s foreign policy and approach to fighting terrorism is not working, Jeremy Corbyn has said. The Labour leader said there must be more money for law enforcement, as he suggested Britain’s intervention in wars abroad had fuelled the risk of terrorism at home.

I’m confused. I see no reasonable, logical, emotional or spiritual connection between us dropping bombs on fellow human beings, brothers and sisters of the one, and their desire to retaliate by bombing us.

I mean, everyone knows that all human beings are perfect and holy, devoted practitioners of impeccable forgiveness, with endless patience, and an eternal resistance to anger and pain. So it’s not even possible – logically or emotionally – for a human being who has had their children blown limb from limb, their parents burnt to a shrivel, and their local Tesco Extra (or whatever they’ve got over there) bombed into a temporary and inconvenient closure to then wish vengeance upon the perpetrators. It’s unfathomable!

I take this man seriously

I mean, who cares, right? We’re all chilled here. Ain’t no biggie. And, yet, here’s Jamie Corbyn suggesting that there could be a connection. Well, I say ‘hell no, Mr Corbyn… hell no‘. We ain’t called GREAT Britain for a laugh. The clue is in the name… we’re great, we do great things, always have done, always will do. There’s no Fabulous France, is there? No Super Switzerland, right? Just Great Britain… being great, doing great, feeling great. And the world looks on in awe.

Great even for black people

You know, I remember a time when two burglars broke into the family home. I must have been 10 at the time. My Mum was tied up and raped and my Dad was tortured with boiling water (from the stove too, it took them ages to find the matches, my Dad valiantly refused to locate them for them, and, then, well, you know what they say about a ‘watched stove’! ) because the burglars – wrongly, as it turned out – had believed my parents had valuable jewels in the house. But the only jewel in our household was the jewel of universal love for all human beings – a jewel shared by all human beings.

Fortunately, my bedroom was up in the attic space so I remained safe from rape and torture, although, perfectly privy to the sounds of all the ‘goings on’. And, you know, I have to say, I was totally chilled about it all. I really didn’t mind my Mum being raped or my Dad being tortured at all. Because, I’m a human being, and far, far evolved from petty emotions like anger, horror, terror and pain. So I cracked on with an eight man team battle on Tekken 3.

I always started with Hwoarang, he had incredible kicking ability that could quickly accelerate into a devastating flow, and, if my memory serves me correctly, I think this was the first time I did the ‘full sweep’, i.e. with Hwoarang alone I beat all eight of the computers fighters! God I was good back then. Fast, sharp, great defence, and, although my friends decried my ‘basic moves’ (I had no time for combo’s, I wanted the kill, not a show), I became almost unbeatable for a good six months at my peak. Good times. Really.

My man

Anyway, my Mum was raped for 2 hours and my Dad ended up in hospital for 14 weeks, but I didn’t bat an eyelid, just cracked on with my Tekken 3 training regime (5 hours a day), and my parents weren’t fussed at all. In fact, I seem to remember my Dad being more perturbed about the stove being left on! Because, you see, this sort of thing – touch of rape, dollop of torture – doesn’t bother us human beings.

Me with my parents the very next day

So, I get it. From experience. I know that Iraqis, Afghans, Syrians, and all the other ones, don’t give a shit about their parents, partners, children, friends, selves etc. being mutilated, disfigured and killed, because this is not the sort of thing that bothers human beings. We are whole. We are one. We know that life is an illusion – no more real, no more substantial than a giant virtual reality game. So why be bothered? Plus, don’t Muslims have Mohammed, and didn’t Mohammed tell them to be peaceful? And, isn’t it just that easy to be and do something once you’ve been told?

‘It’s been a sunny day so i’ll meet you at the cemetery gates, Keats and Yeats are on your side…’

Fact is, these terrorist attacks are incomprehensible. No-one know why it is happening. It’s an unexplainable phenomena that can’t be explained. Personally, I think this might be a case for Mulder and Scully! You see, I’m chilled, and quick to humour / reference pop culture. Cos I’m perfect and holy, you’re perfect and holy, and our world is perfect and holy, and if you want to bomb my home, kill my children, or even rape my Mum and torture my Dad, you’ll find no anger or desire for vengeance from me, nor any human beings. Nuh uh. So suck on that evil alien overlords and your plans for world domination. You’ll never rile us with your big lasers and impenetrable force fields. We’ll just love you, forgive you, sooth your pains, and return you to your home planet lighter, happier and more flowery.

Fuck yeah! Classic 90’s

I’ve lost track of what I’m saying, but, basically, suck a minging cock, Corbyn, you big dick monkey.